Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 Points to Remember

2012 Points to Remember
  • This year began in Boston towards the back of a quiet chapel in the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. I was letting go of 2011 and letting Jesus love me at the beginning of 2012.
  • This was a year of being stretched, doing things I thought I couldn’t. I gave a talk, the R&C talk at Aggie Awakening 94. It’s a talk not commonly delivered by girls especially quiet ones like me.
  • This year I felt the devil trying to convince me that I wasn’t worthy or qualified but I heard Jesus louder saying, “Be My Voice.”
  • This year I survived the worries, and stress and laziness of senioritis and graduated from Texas A&M University.
  • This year I told God I wanted to be His smile for people, to give people hope.
  • This year I said goodbye to many dear friends. I have begun to feel the effects of changing relationships with people not so near anymore.
  • This year I co-directed a retreat and learned how to talk without my notes.
  • This year I had the honor of having my feet washed by a best friend and spiritual brother Fr. Michael Sullivan.
  • This year I started receiving the Eucharist on my tongue on All Saint’s Day
  • This year Fr. Tommy became my spiritual director in August
  • This year I made a few new friends.
  • This year I began a blog
  • This year I had my first real teaching experience taking over Mrs. Klimitchek’s classes for a month.
  • This year was really hard
  • This year at times I wanted to crawl in a hole and be invisible
  • This year held real struggles, temptations and times I fell
  • This year Mrs. Janak passed away, she’s one of the sweetest ladies I ever knew.
  • This year I began a scrapbook
  • This year I helped clean General Earl Rudder’s house
  • This year upon coming back to St. Mary’s realized how much I’d really be missing it
  • This year I experienced maybe my last Easter Vigil at St. Mary’s.
  • This year I said goodbye to Nagle Hall
  • This year I had my purse stolen
  • This year I caught a shark
  • This year I went on my first silent retreat and Fr. Brian took us to the roots
  • This year ……………..
  • This year held many wonderful conversations
  • This year I made a bug collection and achieved the highest score on it.
  • This year I made a small selfless decision and God blessed me generously
  • This year I had an Awakening family with a husband Nick and great kids.
  • This year I coordinated a Holy Hour with a best friend Henry
  • This year I had some great memories with friends
  • This year God taught me a lot about myself
  • This year I learned that I’m not enough, but He makes me enough.
  • This year I'm going to mass at 11:30 and again will ring in the New Year in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Holding The Newborn: A Nativity Reflection


It’s the present, and you’re sitting late one evening, dozing off, before the tabernacle in a dark empty church. Suddenly you are awoken by a tap on your arm, an angel appears before you and announces that Christ our Savior has been born and urges you to come and visit this new family. The angel extends his hand, you are hesitant, but upon barely grabbing it he transports you to the outskirts of Bethlehem.

You see a stable with light coming from it. When you arrive, you are overtaken by the warm peace within. The new father Joseph greets you and leads past the silent cow and donkey that seem to have hardly noticed you, but are focused on a place in the hay where you see Joseph’s wife resting and holding the new born baby Jesus. Jesus sleeps peacefully wrapped up safe in her arms. You kneel down near Mary and the sleeping baby Jesus to get a closer look. He’s perfect, a pink little newborn with big long eyelashes, and the softest skin. The cutest, most precious baby you’ve ever seen. As you lean in He opens His eyes and stares at you. Mary smiles and extends her arms out offering for you to hold her Son.

You shake your heard at first, to hold a newborn is daunting, He’s so new and tiny and fragile. Most notably, this is Christ. You hardly feel worthy of the honor, but Mary doesn’t pull back and you can’t resist the chance to hold the little miracle. So you check your hands and try to wipe them as clean as possible on your clothes you look to Mary wondering if there was more you could do to prepare. She gives you the most reassuring smile and insists you hold her Son. With that one look, though you may not feel ready, you know it’ll be alright with her near you attentively ready to help. So you carefully take the tiny baby into your arms tenderly cradling His head into the bend of your elbow. He’s so small in your long arms, and He could easily fit in the palm of your hands. He’s wide awake now but he doesn’t fuss. He just gazes up, His eyes full of wonder as He studies your face and he reaches up to touch it. You gaze back and can’t take your eyes off of Him. You just look at Him with complete adoration. Any prior fears you had are gone. You’re captivated and in love. You think how you love Him, and you would do anything to protect Him from harm. He’s so fragile and beautiful.

 Then you your face falls as you realize, being from the future, this tiny child in your arms is Christ your savior. You know that already there is a nearby king desiring His death and in the future He'll face much ridicule and rejection and finally betrayal. He will choose to take upon all of this out of sincere perfect love to deliver us from our transgressions. This tiny child will carry the weight of all your sins. He will suffer greatly. As if He senses what you are thinking his tiny hand and all five little fingers reach as far as they can and grip tightly around your index finger. “Don’t look away from me” He seems to be saying with His eyes, “trust in me, I love you.” Tears roll down your face, both sorrow for sins you know will cause Him pain, and tears of awe at how generously forgiving and loving He is. Jesus continues to hold onto you with a firm grip. The weight of your worries is immediately lifted and peace flows through you in the presence of this child. You're able to rest now with Him. He is at peace too in your arms just watching you, holding you, and loving you. He trusts you to keep holding onto Him and watching Him, and soon He dozes off in your arms still gripping your finger. You stay and remain adoring this dear little one who loves you more than you can imagine.

 

 

Monday, November 26, 2012

Don't Look Back

Don’t Look Back       

By: Alyson Ann Klimitchek

Sitting in a church one bright Sunday,
the priest is telling us his story.
Said he dropped out of college and quit his job.
Packed his bags and kissed his mom.
Knew that God was asking him for it all.
                He said and if this is how you feel too,
                I’m going to tell you what you must do….
He said go, and don’t look back ‘cause if you look back you’re going to go back!

Late summer night talking with a friend,
reminiscing on how blessed we’d been.
Even though we both knew we weren’t meant to be,
I loved him and he loved me.
Yet neither of us could ever truly be free.
                He held me tight, said remember to pray,
                and now listen carefully to what I say….
You have to go, and don’t look back ‘cause if you look back you’re going to go back!

If you desire eternal life,
deny yourself, take your cross, and follow Jesus Christ.
“I will follow you wherever you may lead
but my father I must first wait to bury
and then let me say farewell to my family.”
                Christ answers let the dead bury their dead,
                proclaim the kingdom, and understand what I’ve said….
Don’t, don’t look back ‘cause if you look back you’re going to go back!
 
So come follow me and take my hand.
I want to show you what I have planned.
Now is the time, this is your cue.
Trust in me, I love you.
Rest in my side, I’ll see you through.
                I made these desires in your heart,
                but it’s up to you if we even start…
Come, and don’t look back cause if you look back you’re going to go back!  

I’m not looking back!

Friday, November 23, 2012

The Little Wet Bird -St. Therese of Lisieux

The Little Wet Bird
 
Jesus, O Jesus, if the desire of loving You is so delightful, what will it be to possess and enjoy this Love?
 
How can a soul as imperfect as mine aspire to the possession of the plenitude of Love?  Oh Jesus, my first and only Friend, You whom I love UNIQUELY, explain this mystery to me!  Why do You not reserve these great aspirations for great souls, for the Eagles that soar in the heights?
 
I look upon myself as a weak little bird, with only a light down as covering.  I am not an eagle, but I have only an eagle’s EYES AND HEART.  In spite of my extreme littleness I still dare to gaze upon the Diving Sun, the Sun of Love, and my heart feels within it all the aspirations of an Eagle.
 
The little bird wills to fly toward the bright Sun that attracts its eye, imitating its brothers, the eagles, whom it sees climbing up toward the Divine Furnace of the Holy Trinity.  But alas! the only thing it can do is raise its little wings; to fly is not within its little power!
 
What then will become of it?  Will it die of sorrow at seeing itself so weak?  Oh no! the little bird will not even be troubled.  With bold surrender, it wishes to remain gazing upon its Diving Sun.  Nothing will frighten it, neither wind nor rain, and if dark clouds come and hide the Star of Love, the little bird will not change its place because it knows that beyond the clouds its bright Sun still shines on and that its brightness is not eclipsed for a single instant.
 
At times the little bird’s heart is assailed by the storm, and it seems it should believe in the existence of no other thing except the clouds surrounding it; this is the moment of perfect joy for the poor little weak creature.  And what joy it experiences when remaining there just the same! And gazing at the Invisible Light which remains hidden from its faith!
 
O Jesus, up until the present moment I can understand Your love for the little bird because it has not strayed far from You.  But I know and so do You that very often the imperfect little creature, while remaining in its place (that is, under the Sun’s rays), allows itself to be somewhat distracted from its sole occupation.  It picks up a piece of grain on the right or on the left; it chases after a little worm; then coming upon a little pool of water, it wets its feathers still hardly formed.  It sees and attractive flower and its little mind is occupied with this flower.  In a word, being unable to soar like the eagles, the poor little bird is taken up with the trifles of earth.
 
And yet after all these misdeeds, instead of going and hiding away in a corner, to weep over its misery and to die of sorrow, the little bird turns toward its beloved Sun, presenting its wet wings to its beneficent rays.  It cries like a swallow and in its sweet song it recounts in detail all its infidelities, thinking in the boldness of its full trust that it will acquire in even greater fullness the love of Him who came to call not the just but sinners.  And even if the Adorable Star remains deaf to the plaintive chirping of the little creature, even if it remains hidden, well, the little one will remain wet, accepting its numbness from the cold and rejoicing in its suffering which it knows it deserves.
 
O Jesus, Your little bird is happy to be weak and little.  What would become of it if it were big?  Never would it have the boldness to appear in Your presence, to fall asleep in front of You.  Yes, this is still one of the weaknesses of the little bird: when it wants to fix its gaze upon the Divine Sun, and when the clouds prevent it from seeing a single ray of that Sun, in spite of itself, its little eyes close, its little head is hidden beneath its wing, and the poor little thing falls asleep, believing all the time that it is fixing its gaze upon its Dear Star.  When it awakens, it doesn’t feel desolate; its little heart is at peace and it begins once again its work of love.  It calls upon the angels and saints who rise like eagles before the consuming Fire, and since this is the object of the little bird’s desire the eagles take pity on it, protecting and defending it, and putting to flight at the same time the vultures who want to devour it.  These vultures are the demons whom the little bird doesn’t fear, for it is not destined to be their prey but the prey of the Eagle whom it contemplates in the center of the Sun of Love.
 
O Divine Word! You are the Adored Eagle whom I love and who alone attracts me!  Coming into this land of exile, You willed to suffer and to die in order to draw souls to the bosom of the Eternal Fire of the Blessed Trinity.  Ascending once again to the Inaccessible Light, henceforth Your abode, You remain still in this “valley of tears,” hidden beneath the appearances of a white host.  Eternal Eagle, You desire to nourish me with Your divine substance and yet I am but a poor little thing who would return to nothingness if Your divine glance did not give me life from one moment to the next.
 
O Jesus, allow me in my boundless gratitude to say to You that Your love reaches unto folly.  In the presence of this folly, how can You not desire that my heart leap toward You?  How can my confidence, then, have any limits?  Ah! the saints have committed their follies for You, and they have done great things because they are eagles.
 
Jesus, I am too little to perform great actions, and my own folly is this: to trust that Your Love will accept me as a victim.  My folly consists in begging the eagles, my brothers, to obtain for me the favor of flying toward the Sun of Love with the Divine Eagle’s own wings!
 
As long as you desire it, O my Beloved, Your little bird will remain without strength and without wings and will always stay with its gaze fixed upon You.  It wants to be fascinated by Your divine glance.  It wants to become the prey of Your Love.  One day I hope that You, the Adorable Eagle, will come to fetch me, Your little bird; and ascending with it to the Furnace of Love, You will plunge it for all eternity into the burning Abyss of this Love to which it has offered itself as victim.
 
Oh Jesus! why can’t I tell all little souls how unspeakable is Your condescension?  I feel that if You found a soul weaker and littler than mine, which is impossible, You would be pleased to grant it still greater favors, provided it abandoned itself with total confidence to Your Infinite Mercy.  But why do I desire to communicate Your secrets of Love, O Jesus, for was it not You alone who taught them to me, and can You not reveal them to others?  Yes, I know it, and I beg You to do it.  I beg You to cast Your Divine glance upon a great number of little souls.  I beg You to choose a legion of little Victims worthy of Your LOVE!
 
The very little Sister Therese of the Child Jesus
 and the Holy Face, unworthy Carmelite religious.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Original Introduction: God's Little Girl

Keeping this introduction in the revived blog because I am still His little girl.

When trying to title this blog I knew I wanted to title to say who I was and reflect what this blog would be. I’ve mostly explained what this blog would be in the first post, my thoughts. Now, who am I? One could be lead to thinking I'm trying to be or copy St. Therese because obviously my blog address and quote are hers, even my second post is entirely hers but, I am not her. I love St. Therese of Lisieux, she is my spiritual big sister after all, and I adore and admire my big sister, (in reality I don't have an older sister I am the oldest) but at the same time I want to be different. I desire to be the little saint that is me! I only come to know who I am in God. He is my ever loving affectionate Father, and I am His little girl.
One evening outside of church Fr. Michael Sullivan had told me I reminded him of St. Therese of Lisieux which lead me in to reading her book and discovering my big sister who had been with me even before then. (I portrayed her in our 3rd grade All Saints Day presentation) Another evening he and I were on a walk for spiritual direction and he was trying figure out what my image of me was and trying to get me to see who I am in God's eyes. He told me about a little girl who is with her dad at a carnival and she wants the teddy bear and the lollipop. She points to them without hesitating just expecting them to be hers, and her dad gets them for her simply because she is endearing to Him and He loves her. I responded to Fr. Michael laughing, she’s one of those little girls, she’s cute and she knows it. He just beamed at me and said that’s it Alyson, that’s who you are, who you are meant to be.
Now at the time I had a hard time grasping and understanding that but since then as I’ve grown spiritually, God has helped me to see this reality. I am God’s cute little girl. In His own eyes I’m very endearing. I am His and He loves me, and I know He loves me, I know He finds me endearing. There are many occasions I just beam thinking wow God, really you’re doing this for me? Do I deserve it? No, but He loves me. I’m not a spoiled little girl because He loves me, rather I am a very blessed little girl. He blesses me and gives me gifts simply because I’m His little girl and He loves me. I am quite content and happy as His little girl, just a small face with big brown eyes gazing up at Him gazing down upon me, loving me.
This is what my term, “Holy Boldness” is all about. It’s about knowing who you are in God, and being confident in that and in that confidence knowing that you are loved by God. It’s about knowing that great and wonderful things have been planned and are desired for you simply because you are His and He loves you. What good Dad doesn’t have big plans for His little one?  It’s about having faith and confidence with out hesitation in what God can and will do for me. John 3:16 My Father will do anything for me, even die for His little girl. It’s about not being afraid to walk along side God, holding His hand and telling Him how He loves me and how wonderful the things are He has done for me. It’s also about quietly just letting Him hold me and love me. I’m His little girl and sometimes I make messes, I wander or I’m not mindful. He ever patiently waits on me and calls me back. His love for me and seeing me as His endearing little girl never ceases. I am little and by no means at all a rose, but I am just as lovely in the eyes of God my creator.

Excerpt from St. Therese (title quote)

So this is where St. Therese gets her name "Little Flower." This had been my original description for my original blog and it's beautiful so I thought I would keep it.

Excerpt from "Story of a Soul," of St. Therese of the Child Jesus,Springtime story of a little white flower written by herself and dedicated to the Reverend Mother Agnes of Jesus.

It is to you, Dear Mother, to you who are doubly my Mother, that I come to confide the story of my soul. The day you asked me to do this, it seemed to me it would distract my heart by too much concentration on myself, but since then Jesus has made me feel that in obeying simply, I would be pleasing Him; besides, I'm going to be doing only one thing: I shall begin to sing what I must sing eternally: "The Mercies of the Lord."

Before taking up my pen, I knelt before the statue of Mary (the one that has given so many proofs of the maternal preferences of heaven's Queen for our family), and I begged her to guide my hand that it trace no line displeasing to her. Then opening the Holy Gospels my eyes fell on these words: "And going up a mountain, he called to him men of his own choosing, and they came to him." (Mk. 3:13) This is the mystery of my vocation, my whole life, and especially the mystery of the privileges Jesus showered on my soul. He does not call those who are worthy but those whom He pleases or as St. Paul says, "God will have mercy on whom he will have mercy, and he will show pity to whom he will show pity. So then there is question not of him who wills nor of him who runs, but of God showing mercy."

I wondered for a long time why God has preferences, why all souls don't receive an equal amount of graces. I was surprised when I saw Him shower His extraordinary favors on saints who had offended Him, for instance, St. Paul and St. Augustine, and whom He forced, so to speak, to accept His graces. When reading the lives of the saints, I was puzzled at seeing how Our Lord was pleased to caress certain ones from the cradle to the grave, allowing no obstacle in their way when coming to Him, helping them with such favors that they were unable to soil the immaculate beauty of their baptismal robe. I wondered why poor savages died in great numbers without even having heard the name of God pronounced. Jesus deigned to teach me this mystery. He set before me the book of nature; I understood how all the flowers He has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the Lily do not take away the perfume of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wild flowers.

And so it is the world of souls, Jesus' garden. He willed to create great souls comparable to Lilies and roses, but He has created smaller ones and these must be content to be daisies or violets destined to give joy to God's glances when He looks down at his feet. Perfection consists in doing His will, in being what He wills us to be.
I understood, too, that Our Lord's love is revealed as perfectly in the most simple soul who resists His grace in nothing as in the most excellent soul; in fact, since the nature of love is to humble oneself, if all souls resembled those of the holy Doctors who illuminated the Church with the clarity of their teachings, it seems God would not descend so low when coming to their heart. But He created the child who knows only how to make his feeble cries heard; He has created the poor savage who has nothing but the natural law to guide him. It is to their hearts that God deigns to lower Himself. These are the wild flowers whose simplicity attracts Him. When coming down in this way, God manifests His infinite grandeur. Just as the sun shines simultaneously on the tall cedars and on each little flower as though it were alone on the earth, so Our Lord is occupied particularly with each soul as though there were no others like it. And just as in nature all the seasons are arranged in such a way as to make the humblest daisy bloom on a set day, in the same way, everything works out for the good of each soul.

Foreward: and backward and forward again!

What this blog is:

           I began this blog November of 2012 thinking it would motivate me to reflect and write a little more. Well that didn't exactly happen because I had such a narrow vision of what I wanted this blog to be. It's title had been "Thought's of God's Little Girl" the URL was "littleflowerthoughts.blogger.com." The first entries were reflecting on St. Therese's little flower analogy. So it was really based upon and inspired by my devotion to St. Therese. A priest once tolde me "you will write like her, this will be you one day" referring to her reflections, poems but mostly to her letters she wrote to her family, and priest friends entrusted to her prayers. That kind of set the tone for my blog. I wanted to write up to par with St. Therese or atleast keep it that meaningful. This I think really restricted me and kept me from posting because well I'm not up to par with this great saint and doctor of the church! My posts clearly were never up to par with St. Therese and that kept me from freely posting. I have yet to get there! Which made me think of another one of St. Therese's analogies of the little wet bird. I can definitely identify with this one and I'll write more on that later. So now I've come back to revive this blog and move forward again!

Here's a few things from the original "Forward." 

 This blog is being started as an outlet for writing. I enjoy writing whether it’s a reflection, a paper, or a letter to someone. Often my reflections and papers in my mind are like writing a letter to someone. I try to write it in a way that thoroughly lays it all out well enough for someone not there, not experiencing what I’m experiencing, to as fully as they can grasp what’s going through my mind. Therefore I can be a bit prolific.
           I'm prefering to use a blog and type rather than a hand written journal because of the way my mind works. I go in circles as I think deeper, refining prior thoughts and such as I go. I like that I can erase a line and retype it to more closely describe what I'm thinking and it wont leave grey smudges. A lot goes through my mind. I’m constantly thinking. Someone once told me that’s what happens when you have a high metabolism. I don’t know about that. It’s true though I can’t ever stop or just have a blank mind. One thing leads to several other tangents I could go on. In fact when I sat to write this description, I meat to say a couple things in a few sentences and be done. Now I have a paragraph!

Yes this picture (not drawn by me) perfectly explains my thought process!
          These are my purposes for writing. 1. To give God glory in the gift of my prolific writing/thinking abilities that He has blessed me with. 2. To give God glory in sharing His love through what I write.
           With all that being said almost every spiritual director in my past has asked me, or suggested to me that I keep a journal of my thoughts. Regretfully mostly out of laziness I never did. There are a few things here and there because I used to email them all to one director. I got to thinking though God did give me a gift in being a writer and I'm not using it, not giving Him the greatest glory, and I'm trying to seek His will in my life. Can't really understand His will when we're not using the tools and gifts we know He's given us. So there, in a nutshell, thats why I've decided to go ahead and start (and re-start) this blog.